What is your interest in fake urine? Well, for some, it might be a fetish sort of thing. No judgment here; some people think huge feet or gruesome wounds are a fetish, so urine is really not that bad where fetishes are concerned.
For others, fake urine might be a way to dodge a failing drug test. There are all kinds of ways you can try to pass a drug test, but with some, you might not be quite so successful. In particular, drug tests where they ask you to urinate while they watch are particularly uncomfortable and most likely to fail unless you have a unique method of delivering fake urine into a sample cup.
Finally, you might be interested in fake urine as a gag gift. The recipient might just consider it nasty enough for the joke to be funny. For all of the above, you should consider Monkey Dong’s fake urination kit as your go-to product. Here is what we have to say about this particular product.
Things to Consider Buying a Monkey Dong Fake Urine Kit
This is not your run-of-the-mill everyday product. After all, it is called “monkey dong.” Some things to consider are your reasons for wanting to buy it, and whether or not it is a good idea to purchase it. The product makes no promises on many fronts beyond the fact that it very closely resembles real urine with urea, uric acid, and that warm urine smell and color. The fake penis that is included can and does squirt when you squeeze the head of the fake penis. Is it enough to fool a lab technician into thinking that the lab got “a clean catch” from you? It’s debatable, but it does look and smell enough like urine that it could work.
While the fake penis comes in a variety of skin tones, you will have to contend with the fact that the penis is very small, and that may make you feel self-conscious even if you know it isn’t your real penis. In terms of women using this product, it is nearly impossible to use it for a drug test because of the penis attachment. If, however, you are using it for sexual fetish purposes, women may enjoy temporarily sporting a little penis.
Now, for Your Pleasure, the Monkey Dong Synthetic Urine Kit!
Included in the Monkey Dong kit is a set of powdered synthetic urine packets. You will need to mix these with a specific type of water such that the lab cannot detect local water contaminants in the water and that purified water doesn’t give away the secret to the clean urine sample. You also get a syringe for drawing up the synthetic urine after you mix it, a pouch that connects to the fake penis, and the tubing needed to inject the syringe’s contents into the pouch that will then be released when the head of the “penis” is pinched.
The pouch attaches to a velcro belt you wear under your clothes. There are also some heating pads you will need to use to heat up the pouch of synthetic urine to the right temperature so that the temperature of the “urine” does not trigger red flags to the lab technician testing it. It is also helpful to warm the fake urine in fetish situations so that your partner does not shiver when the fake urine hits the skin.
Features and Benefits
Close Approximation of Urine
This seems to be the main selling point. How close to real urine can you get? This product uses real uric acid, real urea, and real color and smell. The only thing missing is ammonia. A hint of ammonia smell is there, but is it enough for a drug test? It is definitely enough for a fetishist, and as a gag gift, you probably don’t want to go as far to try making it to see what it’s like, but you might.
Penis Delivery System
Okay, so this works great for guys and great for women who temporarily want to be men, but if a woman wants to use it as a woman, it is very difficult to use. The included instructions do tell you how to use it without the penis attachment, but it might be clumsy and messy.
Belt Undergarment and Heating Packs
The belt that holds this in place is a nice feature. So long as it is secure and doesn’t slide around, you should be good to go for anything. The heating packs ensure that the synthetic urine is body temperature or slightly warmer before you “urinate” into a cup or on a partner. If the heating packs heat up the fake urine too much, you may have to wait for a few minutes until it cools down to match your body temperature. Apple juice may look like urine too, but it will not pass the smell, color, or chemical content tests in a lab. Having it be as close to the real thing without it being the real thing may also be valuable to anyone that does not like the idea of real urine on their skin. In terms of a gag gift, it hits the mark for potentially offensive/gross and quite funny with the tiny “monkey dong” included.
As for the cons, there are absolutely no guarantees made by the manufacturer that you will definitely pass a drug test using this product. If you have someone watching you “urinate,” he/she may not be fooled by the size of the penis either, in which case you may be asked to remove your pants and underwear completely to urinate. Constantly having to monitor the fake urine for the right temperature for thirty minutes up to use is a lot of work too.
General User Impressions
There are definitely a lot of people out there who bought and tried Monkey Dong Synthetic Urination kits, and lots of opinions to go with them. Some people thought it was a complete waste of money. Other people rave about how it helped save their jobs when they made a little mistake of partying too hard and then had to take a drug test within a week of partying. Others just think it incredibly ingenious for their, ahem! Sexual persuasions. It all depends on how you want to use it, and whether or not you accept the outcome based on your own use.
What We Liked and What We Didn’t Like
We like the undergarment belt and delivery system. It seems to fit well and works with most body types up to 54″ around. We don’t like the tiny penis because it’s just a little awkward and even more awkward for ladies to use. We do like the fact that the penis comes in five different skin tones so that it at least matches customer skin tones and doesn’t look totally out of place. We’re thinking about using warm water without using the heating pads just because that makes more sense, but that depends on the time you have to get the synthetic urine properly mixed.
Sure. There are ways to modify the tubing and delivery system unless you just want to have your own little penis for a bit.
Actually, it does. The yellow color is completely natural, with minimal staining. If you are concerned, test a drop on the fabric you are most concerned about and see if the synthetic urine scrubs out easily.
Monkey Dong’s equipment is tested and should be fully functional as intended. If it does not release the synthetic urine, or there is some other mechanical default, you may be able to get a refund. Refunds are not otherwise granted for any failed drug tests and unsatisfied fetish partners.
This product claims to assist you with drug tests and clean samples of urine, as well as contentment for sexual fetish needs. It is a clean proximal product to real urine. It can be used for these issues or needs in a way that works according to package instructions. It could work for what you need it for. However, there are no guarantees, and the website does ask that anyone seeking a way to cheat a drug test avoid using their Monkey Dong in this manner. The choice is up to you.